You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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