i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize