...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
