who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
