I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
