I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
