shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize