ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
