Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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