Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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