I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
