I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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