hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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