sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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