she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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