i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
