Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
