I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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