Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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