Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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