Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
