omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
