my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
