I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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