haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
