The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
