Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
