saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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