Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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