im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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