i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
