can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
my liver is dry heaving
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
