my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize