I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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