How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
