Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize