The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
