i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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