What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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