Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
