I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
