the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
