i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize