This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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