barbara walters just said penis...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
