this beer tastes like vomit already
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize