party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
