I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
