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I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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