Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ketchup is God's man juice
this just has baby written all over it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize