Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
