You really coming over, don't trick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
