Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
