Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize