either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
