If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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