My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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