i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize