Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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