i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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