You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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