You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
