Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
