dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
