he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
