I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize