we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
