well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
